I guess I notice some things differently from how others do
such as how the seaweed chicken from different stalls around school are skewered differently.




It makes me feel lonely sometimes.

resurface.

I can't help but fear that my surprisingly good results are a curse. Everywhere I look, I seem to find things I will not get to do now that I have enrolled locally and not in the UK. I will not get to watch Sherlock Season 3 in UK, I will not be able to use the cowl I've knitted, take short breaks to other cities, visit museums, visit places of historical literary interest, feed ducks by the river, meet hedgehogs, attend lectures for other courses such as English and Philosophy, feel like a stranger, disappear in the crowd and grow as a person..... Among other things.

And I'm afraid that this fear will haunt me throughout the next four years of local education as I constantly wonder it would be like to be somewhere else. Is it possible to be so absorbed in being somewhere else that I lose my presence here?

I need to start to be myself
'Cause I'm sick of everybody else

A photo from a trip I took to the aquarium a few days before I stopped working, maybe a month ago. School has started and meeting young people from the same age group as me after a good 10 months has been an exciting and nerve-wrecking experience. It seems that my awkwardness is truly part of me, and I need to come to terms with it rather than allowing it to hinder me.

By the way, I am more awkward than you.

Coincidence?

On bloglovin' :)

As my contract draws to an end, I'm starting to feel rather.... Afraid. Afraid of the uncertainty the future holds, afraid of not having anyone to tell me what to do, afraid of having to deal with my own problems instead of the problems of my boss and customers.

I can feel another depressive mood coming on, and I don't know how long it will last this time.

To read;

I should really read more.

To lose myself in another world, another life,

and realise how insignificant my troubles are

and how much deeper another's sorrow 

can be.

Life's been too good to me for the past two months in terms of results, university applications and such.

I feel like I should really be writing more ughhhhhhh.

Well! So many things have happened since my last post - I've gotten a new job and my results, in short.

The Job: Not the best-paid out there but it's an MNC so hopefully it'll look good on my resume wherever I go. Too bad I don't really click with anyone working there... But hey, as long as I don't make enemies, it's all fine with me.

The Results: Way better than I expected. I'm still convinced that there's been a mix-up and my classmate's results and mine got mixed up. Anyway, I can now get into both local and overseas university. Score!

In less exciting news, I've been knitting a cowl and putting on weight.

Getting a new photo for my resume involved taking over a 100 pictures, ugh! And it still looks like crap, which is why I needed to take a new one in the first place. If I don't get a job after all this...

coats coats coats

Just got my pay today. Woohoo! Now I'm agonising over whether or not to splurge on a coat. I saw these two at a shop yesterday and have since been experiencing great difficulty in getting them out of my mind...

Introducing coat #1...

I really like the (probably fake) fur lining and the length, and I think it's waterproof so that should be good?

And coat #2... 

I really have a thing for toggles. I guess the coats aren't really that extraordinary but they are just such classic styles! Now if only I could combine the two coats and have one with the length and fur lining of #1 and the toggles of #2.. Don't really give a hoot about whether the material is waterproof or not as long as it looks good and keeps me warm.

Of course, I don't even know it I'll be going overseas or not, seeing as I haven't gotten my A-level results yet (1 more month!!) but the coats are so lovely! Will probably drop by Lowrys Farm to check them out again within the next week or so.

Manchester or Leicester uni?

I've received another conditional offer from University of Manchester along with two rejections from Bristol and Nottingham. Since UCL is without a doubt going to reject me as well, I guess taking the LNAT was an absolute waste of money and time, which is a bummer.

Manchester's offer is AAB in three of four A-level subjects, which is probably easier to meet than Leicester's offer of ABB in three subjects since I'm quite sure I'll be getting at best a C for Economics.

It's early stages yet but I can't help but feel terribly excited and torn between these two lovely universities! I always assumed that Manchester was a better university than Leicester, but I'm not so sure now.

Main points affecting my decision:
1. Reputation - Since I'm an international student, I need the uni I attend to be at least ring a bell with future employers. Also, my parents place a huge emphasis on reputation and well, they're my cash cows for this whole shebang so I can't really go against them. Manchester definitely has a better reputation, though Leicester seems to be on its way up the league tables.

2. Student diversity - The last thing I want to do is travel close to halfway across the globe and end up making friends that are mostly from the same country/ethnicity as me. Which is why Leicester is looking rather attractive for having about 20 East Asian students in their Law course each year...

3. Social life - There seems to be conflicting opinions on the social life and general student satisfaction at Manchester, which worries me quite a bit. I do like that it's a larger city than Leicester though - more things to do and see, probably more convenient too.

4. Cost of living - Fees for both unis are the same. Manchester is slightly more expensive than Leicester, but I'm going to assume that there will be a larger variety in the former due to the difference in size.

5. Safety - Have heard that Manchester uni's student accommodation is in a particularly rough part of town, not too sure about that. Not so sure about Leicester but I'm assuming it's safer.

Went for an interview this morning. The interview included a short test in which I was to proofread a document. While I can't vouch for how my proofreading was, the interview itself was pretty disastrous. I really want the job though! It's not particularly interesting but it pays $20/hour which is UNBELIEVABLE. And it's not even a full-time/everyday job which means it complements my love for sleeping in/lazing around for prolonged periods of time perfectly.

Sadly the bloke conducting the interview asked me if I could start next week (I said yes, of course) but I haven't heard anything so far, which probably means I did shite in the test and won't be hired. I really want the money though... I'm getting unbelievably miserable about this because I'm fully aware of how unhappy I'll be in any $7/hour job I get after this.

FFS

Just read my decision letter from Leicester and realised it's as good as a rejection letter. This is what it says...

Congratulations; University of Leicester has asked us to tell you that it is offering you a place for Law, M100; starting in September 2013 at point of entry 1.

The conditions of the offer are:

This offer is subject to you obtaining Grades ABB at A-Level from Economics, Literature in English and Chemistry.

 Econs has ruined my chances at almost everything UGH.

I'm not such a failure after all! Received a frightening email from UCAS saying that something on my UCAS application had changed (seriously how sadistic can they get, just tell me outright!) and rushed to log in to Track to find this....!!!

I'm just so glad that I won't end up with zero offers at all! I have no idea what conditions I need to meet though, seeing as they didn't list anything at all...

Blogging from work

I've been in the office since 9 and there's nothing to do at all... Been reading
A Fraction of the Whole by Steve Toltz but at this rate I'll be done by the end of the day. I guess it's actually a pretty good deal though, being paid 7 bucks an hour to read and use the free wifi.

LNAT ended yesterday, I guessed the answers for most of the questions so I have no idea what sort of score to expect. Hoping to score in at least the mid-20s range.

Now my plans for the weekend:
-Learn how to purl properly. I've sort of gotten it but end up adding so many stitches that I keep on having to rip my work.
-Start looking for a new job. This temp job is almost over so I need to find a new one, preferably as some kind of receptionist/PA/admin kind of thing.
-Watch Yes Minister, my dad just borrowed a series from the library yesterday.

..... And that just about sums up another week of my life. Exciting huh.

Also I need to go back to my old school today to pay some library fines if not they won't give me my A-level results. 

Wahey, I can tick off at least one of my 2013 new year's resolutions after getting a job today! It's a great relief to know that I won't end up failing to achieve even a single one and at least I won't feel like so much of a failure when 2014 rolls around...

The job is really dull though. Just sitting on my bum making cold calls for eight hours. I've been thinking of doing part-time modelling and freelance writing to supplement my measly income.

In other news, I got emails from both UCAS and Leicester uni telling me that they've received my application. Thank goodness I have my job keeps me busy all the time if not I'd just be checking my email every 15 minutes to see if I've got any offers.

I could really use a wish right now

As I wait for my hair to dry so that I can get to bed, maybe it's time to start listing down some resolutions for 2013 so that I have something to write one year later. Looking at my 2012 resolutions, I think I did reasonably well for 1 through 4. As for the last resolution on exercising... Well.

1. GET. A. JOB. I seriously need the money for university or other plans if I don't get to uni (really hoping this doesn't happen though)
2. Be more independent. I might be moving overseas for university education, so I better learn how to cook and take care of myself. Anyway, it's time I learn how to operate the kitchen stove...
3. Save $$$. Connected to #1. I plan to be more thrifty, at least to a reasonable extent. I'm already pretty thrifty, according to those around me (clearly not a good gauge)
4. Exercise. I'm sick of including this in my new year's resolutions every year.

Wishes for 2012:
GET INTO UNI PLEASE! Really keen on the University of Bristol even though  my chances are weak. I've already completed my application and even applied to UCL but I'm not expecting much from that because even I know my limits sometimes.
Good health for family and friends, particularly my dad. I'm sure my getting into uni will lessen his burden greatly.

I realise I didn't even wish for good A-level results, but then the getting into uni pretty much covers that. Also I need to complete my US uni college application but I have no idea how to do so and the deadline's really soon (i.e. less than 36 hours time). My dad's not keen on me letting my good SAT scores go to waste, particularly since my chances with the UK uni's look worryingly slim.